The Eve of Father
It’s been done before. It will be done again. Becoming a Father.
As I approach the birth of my first child, a baby boy, it’s made me take this little moment to be thoughtful.
My conversations have shifted. I feel less selfish. I look in the closet of my past and see all the masks and clothes I’ve worn, feeling naked and vulnerable as I walk through the doorway.
The more I think about what sort of Dad I’ll be, the more confused I feel. When I let it all go, the advice, the fears, it all makes perfect sense. It’s what I was always meant to be.
I could have always gone on, filling my life with achievements and projects, but I’m looking forward to the surrender. Being able to meet the product of two people in love. I throw myself into the air, shattering into pieces, returning as a Father. As a Dad. As Me.
In my fiancé Elizabeth I see more in each day a beautiful mother. As I feel the growth in her belly, I use my mind to try understanding her great evolution. That’s all men can do, we think our way through while our women wait for us. They already feel being a parent while we sift through our thorn bush of thought.
Then he looks you in the eye. Holding him you see yourself. Your lover. You have never felt love like this. So I’ve been told. We will find out as our little boy awaits, kicking through a womb of laughter.
Stop thinking Dad.
Photo by Alex Frings – www.alexfrings.com